The Life of Me, Smile Magee :)

I know basically no one reads this blog . So I'm using it for journalistic purposes today. I'm using this to remind me of the day I wanted to die. Cause it's a day I always need to remember Haha! I'm glad I finally beat you 😉 jk jk lol. Your just so good at being sweet and checking on me. Seriously you have no Idea how much that means to me. ❤️. Quite honestly this week has been so rough. you know that big GI appt that was suppose to change my life for the better. Well.. The GI said he couldn't do anything to help me. ( Even though there is a lot he still could do. He refused to do more test or even look for tumors. Which I get atleast 3 cut out everytime I get a scope. ) so I left that appt devastated. I had lost all hope, litterally I had never felt so low in my life. I hate admiting this but I wanted to legitly die. I knew I needed heavenly fathers guidance. So I texted / called this lady I met at one of the wards BAWLING and asking her if she could find some

It's been hard being away from my family and friends back at home today.  But this Easter Sunday in general I am so greatful for the savior and his atonement.  The ward we went to has to be my favorite one so far, it was full of just super sweet and funny people.  The bishop came up and introduced himself to me and my mom. He asked why I was here, so I told him " that Im here for the mayo clinic, and that there not finding answers so who knows how long I'll be here" and he just took my hand, and Said. " we will be your family while you are here. You need anything, you call me. You are not going through this alone. Tears stung my eyes as he said that. Because of the saviors atonement, that he willingly did, we will not go through life alone. It's like what Jeffery R. Holland " because Jesus walked such a long, lonely path utterly alone, we do not have to do so."  And as this same bishop talked in church, it hit me, that the savior had felt his

I've been trying to get my emotions out more in my writting. Tomorrow I see the GI at the Mayo Clinic, and I'm afraid. I'm so scared it's hard to put into average words So today I thought I'd share my emotions in poetry form.  The title of this poem is. Rubix Cube I'm afraid of most Middle Aged men in white coats. The ones that  greet you will a reassuring handshake. Which is never reassuring. A smile is drawn across there lips. But it never shows in there eyes. Don't get me wrong, Some white coats are kind, some do care, Those are the ones who change your life for the better. But the white coats who haunt my dreams , see you as a walking rubix cube. A puzzle there paid to solve. They move the peices back and forth, and try to get the perfect picture But they give up, when they can't get the colors to match. Because they have other puzzles that are easier to solve. And they paint the squares that don't match into the color they want