The Life of Me, Smile Magee :)

  I've heard it said that some of the prettiest rainbows you will ever see, will be after a hurricane has happened. That statement for me perfectly sums up my 2016  My New Years resolution for 2016 was literally " don't die"  So the storm was already pounding down hard. But During 2016 there were days were I could feel myself fading away, and would pray with all my Might that I could live another day. And for the first time in my life. In 2016 There were days that I would pray for my life to end because I just couldn't take being so sick anymore. During 2016 the storm literally became so strong, that it almost washed me away.  But as promised, there is always a rainbow after every storm. Angels were sent my way during 2016. When I wanted to die, and I was crying harder than I ever had before in a tiny hospital chapel. Heavenly Father showed me that there was so so much to live for. During 3 of the hardest months of my life.  Where I was tho

  Some moments in life you are litterally slapped across the face with reality. This week, for some reason I can't stop thinking about one of those moments. It was like a couple years  ago, but I was in the thick of my IV days  so the details are a bit fuzzy. But It was during an appointment with my GP,  and there was a crapload of paperwork we needed him to do. So I'm pretty sure It was  another attempt at Repealing my insurance, so I could go to the Mayo Clinic,  so we could hopefully finally diagnose the giant medical mystery which is my body. I was watching him fill out some paper work. I saw him write "   Prognosis.. Unknown" I  had already cheated death a couple of times before that appointment.  But for some reason during this appointment, after seeing those words written,  it finally hit me.., I finally truly realized   That whatever this disease I'm fighting could kill me.  And that harsh reality hit me like a ton of bricks.  ( To me the scariest part of

During my time at the Mayo Clinic, I would always pass a sign that said, " To our patients, mayo is another word for hope."  Some days I was honestly convinced Mayo was another word for Hell. During one of my worst days there, I went to the Ambulatory infusion center to get my IV, and lucky enough I got one of my favorite nurses. She greeted me with a HUGE smile, and said, "Hey Taylor! I sure have missed you!"  (She was convinced I looked like Taylor Swift, so since the day I met her she always referred to me as  Taylor)  We talked as she put in my IV. I poured my heart to her about how crappy my day had been, and she came back and talked to me whenever she had a break.  My IV's typically ran up to 4 hours. couple hours in, she let me know when she was leaving for her lunch break. when she came back, she handed me a Kit-Kat and said, " I know you don't have any dietary restrictions,  so when I saw this candy bar I thought it might make your day! Remembe

  I attempt to turn my gritted teeth into a smile when someone asks me my least favorite question. " So what are you doing with your life?"  I can tell you what I would like to be doing. I'd love to be in school, living on my own, dating like crazy, in the process of becoming a child life specialist, and living the life of an average 21 year old  But my life is far from that. My life is full of hospitals, medications, doctors appointments, crippling fatigue, excruciating pain, swollen body parts, a paralyzed GI tract and trying to play peace keeper a body that's broken out into a full blown civil war.  When asked this question " what are you doing with your life?"  I typically force a smile and say  " Well, I'm still taking care of some things with my health.. college is ALOT OF money. And I kind of want to be able to show up when I start college."  Or if I'm feeling really sassy along the lines of  " o just "going through" a

I have been debating for months whether or not to write this blog post. Because there are real people involved in this story who could get there feelings hurt by the words I type. ( That's honestly why I haven't written on my blog for so long.) But I feel as though I need to Share this story. And I have no negative feelings. So I hope to not write this in a way that any feelings could be hurt. Every story has 2 sides to it. And this is my side of the story.  ( identities have been changed for that purpose )  For 14 years I kept my pain a secret. No one outside of my immediate  family, and my best friend knew about the struggles I faced on a daily basis. Like most people who are chronically ill. I found my own way to camoflauge myself in the healthy world. I made jokes with a slackers "to cool for school attitude, "to excuse my sick kid quirks, like sitting whenever I could, butting in the lunch line (when my legs just couldn