The Life of Me, Smile Magee :)

Haha :) I thought that I would share with you all a funny memory tonight. Sometimes we learn a lot of things from an innocent mistake!! So in my middle school we had " spirit week", so for that one week during the school year, each day we would come to school dressed as different things ( for example Pj day you were your pjs, rockstar day, you dress up as a rockstar ) During my sixth grade year, one of our spirit week days was " Athlete day", and I had absolutely no idea what to dress as. Sports hurt me, I had no athletes I admired cause I had never followed sports, and in all honesty the only piece of athletic clothing I owned were my brothers old PE Shorts.  I racked my brain the entire weekend, thinking  about what athlete I was going to be, I searched my brain to see if there was an athlete I admired. Then on Sunday night when I was about to give up, because I just couldn't think of an athlete I admired, i thought of my uncle who has autism and ran in

My plan to not tell a soul about my pain filled body was flawless, until about the age of 14. During that time I hurt my hand in a babysitting accident, and it just wouldn't stop hurting. It wasn't the typical ache I always felt. It was this stinging, burning pain, which was added on to every time my hand even brushed up against  something. (I later learned that what I was feeling was nerve pain). I saw my Regular Dr, who refereed me to a specialist, which snow balled into me Seeing a countless number of Drs because none of them new what was wrong. At each appointment something inside me would scream " Tell them about the other parts of your body that have always hurt!" But I didn't dare. I didn't want to be that kid who for the rest of my life was bounced around from Drs office from Drs office. I didn't want my childhood fear to come true and end up being labeled  " Magee the freak " for the rest of my days. But when a Dr at the c

Dear Dr, whoever you may be When I come into your office, how do you see me? Just a patient, a name on a screen, Another body to get in and out of your office, so you can do your thing? Would you be the one to look at me, nod your head at the right moments. scribble notes, as I tell you my story. But then with no answers of a diagnosis  coming  to your brain, would  you o so intelligently exclaim. "Nothing is  deadly wrong, that I can see, your broken pieces can't be fixed by me! Your happy, and sick, this I cannot explain. So I guess you must be insane! " Dear Dr, Whoever you may be, did you take the time to really notice me? I'm sick and I'm scared, trying to be as brave as I can be. At the age of 20 an unknown illness is attacking me. I smile because I'm trying to make the best out of what I've been given. But Dear Dr. I didn't come to you for fun, I came to you because I want to keep on living. Dear Dr., remember with every pa

I saw a blog that was a girls letter to her future husband. I honestly i just couldn't relate to it. So I decided to get real tonight and write my own version of it. I hope you can relate. And I hope it reminds you that you deserve true love. Someone who holds on to his end of in sickness in health. Who will love you for better for worse and for eternity. Fight for your fairytale and smile on.  Dear future husband : I'm so excited for you. I pray for you often. But in all honesty I fear you. I fear you won't be able to handle " all this". That you will love the lanky outgoing girl with a bright smile. But you won't be able to handle this monster of an invisible illness that I've carried with me most of my life.. I fear that you will love me at my best. But not to be able to handle me at my worst, and believe me there are going to be a lot of medical worst.  Some of the easier times will be hours  spent in Hospitals and Drs offices. There will be ti

It has taken me a LONG time to write this post.. I kept on attempting to cover it with sugar, instead of serve it to you strait. I'm going to be 1000% honest in this post, like I am in all my other ones.  I'm not going fill you full of all of this " my illness is the best gift in the world! I love it so much !" Crap cause if anyone says anything remotely close to that to you,  they are full of it. In all honesty I HATE my illness, I live in fear of it daily, it is my biggest struggle. But I have learned how to co exist with the monster Because neither of us are leaving anytime soon. The best way to explain my relationship with my illness is one of my favorite quotes by Haruki Murakami "And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what t

This a week has beaten me to a pulp.. It's tested my strength In basically every aspect..  and to end this week of terror  another loss hit me right in the heart tonight.. Facebook asked for my "real name" and picture id, and thought it would be like all the  times they asked for your email, and you type in thisisstupid@hotmail.com.. And they accept it as a valid email... Apparently this wasn't the case, and my profile picture of a pig is not valid ID.. ( seriously though do they not know what a pseudonym is?! )  they froze my account.. I can't log into it.. If you search it, it won't show up... They killed Smile Magees Daily Qoutes.  When the realization hit me, that something I've worked on daily and have loved with all my heart was gone.. The tears just wouldn't stop.. This page has made a world of difference in my life, being in contact with you all has made me a better person.. When I first started writing you, I didn't tell a soul outside m

To you That picture may just look like I forgot my make up today. . But this pic actually shows a pretty momentous moment in my life :)!  I have never been able to fully turn my neck . It usually gets almost  half of the distance a normal ears on neck can turn.  As you all know 2 days ago I had a Spinal tap, were they discovered I have  excess  spinal fluid. And I started the treatment for it today.  Tonight as I was watching Americas next top model I mimicked a neck movement Tyra did. Then my mom in shock stated " Magee YOU turned your neck ALL the way !!"  Tears of joy streamed down my face as I realized I was looking at the timer directly behind me .   Whenever I have sat in this spot I have had to move my whole body to see that timer.  During plays, I have had to readjust movements because I could not move my neck the way the director wanted me to.  During class. I always had to turn my body completely around to talk to anyone behind me.  Driving hasn&

Looking at me would you guess my story? That I live in daily pain, that my biggest struggle in life is my health?  Would you be the one to look at me with a repulsed look, when I have to use a wheelchair because my joints just aren't letting me move that day?  Each day we judge people by appearance alone.. We look at the cover and decide whether or not we are going read the book, or treat the book like it wasn't even worth the glance at the cover.  I didn't realize, how true the old saying " you can't judge a book by its cover" is until moments in my life  I have become that book. Those situations have honestly made me better instead of bitter. By being judged, in sometimes very funny situations. It's has helped me learn how I should treat others. Here Are just a couple of my stories on this topic.  As You know physical pain has always been a part of my life. But it my 7th grade year everything changed.. My mark of

 Before a dance most 19 -20 something's biggest worry before they go to a dance, is what outfit they are going to wear.. My biggest worry was making sure I don't faint do to a possible increase in inter-cranial pressure!  Let me give you  a little  back story.  As you all most likely know the latest bodily mystery my doctors are trying to solve is why I can't see out of half of my right eye.. They know my very swollen optic nerve is causing the lack of vision. But it's yet to be discovered what is causing the very swollen optic nerve. My eye doctor told me to look out for and text him if I experience anything like , eye pain, more vision loss, or neck pain near my hairline.  And sure enough on Thursday I began to feel an ache on that spot, which on Friday evolved to this pain that I can only describe as being like severe whiplash.  I sent a text to my eye doctor, ( hoping and praying this pain wasn't related to the eye thing because I had plans to go to

For my first blog post ( yay! :D )  I'm going to throw it way back in Smile Magee History to when I was 8 years old and discovered that I wasn't like every other kid. I honestly don't remember a day when I wasn't in pain. For as long as I can remember Parts of my body always hurt.  I knew that since I was always super tall for my age, the dr told my parents that as I stopped growing taller. My muscles would finally catch up me and I would end up being a bit less spastic, and for example be  able to finally catch a ball when it was thrown to me . So I thought that  possibly  as I grew older, and as my muscles caught up with my height, that the pain just might go away. I have to admit  A huge part of me thought since my body always hurt, mabey everyone else's bodies hurt to.  In second grade I learned that wasn't the case...  It was a picture perfect spring day. I was in an elementary PE class that was accurately named named "fit kids" Our