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The day I wanted to die.. Explained in a text to a friend

I know basically no one reads this blog . So I'm using it for journalistic purposes today.
I'm using this to remind me of the day I wanted to die. Cause it's a day I always need to remember

Haha! I'm glad I finally beat you 😉 jk jk lol. Your just so good at being sweet and checking on me. Seriously you have no Idea how much that means to me. ❤️. Quite honestly this week has been so rough. you know that big GI appt that was suppose to change my life for the better. Well.. The GI said he couldn't do anything to help me. ( Even though there is a lot he still could do. He refused to do more test or even look for tumors. Which I get atleast 3 cut out everytime I get a scope. ) so I left that appt devastated. I had lost all hope, litterally I had never felt so low in my life. I hate admiting this but I wanted to legitly die. I knew I needed heavenly fathers guidance. So I texted / called this lady I met at one of the wards BAWLING and asking her if she could find someone who could give me a blessing. She found 2 guys in her ward who worked across the street from the MAYO hospital, and they gave me a blessing in the little Chappell there.. And quite honestly it was amazing. I was basically told that I will struggle with my health, and just with the mortal pains of this earth  my whole life. That this body I have is a gift, and will be used as a gift to help others, and for me to grow spiritually. But I will overcome this trial, and when I in my head was asking if I still need to go to Drs . I was told in the blessing that I still need to go see Drs and specialist to get the answer. And that they will be blessed to know what to do.
During that blessing the GI Who gave up on my case called in some endocrinology lab work.
I get them tomorrow. And then I have to wait all day every day this week, and see if I can get an appt.  if no answers are found we are going home Saturday. And I'm just going to get on steriods. It's better to live a fuller shorter life. Then a long crappy one. I'll still go to specialist and whatever but I can't do the iv thing anymore.
So right now Is tough, but I'm basically running, and am able to get out of bed, because of faith. I just have to believe that he sent me here for a reason.
Even though I may never know what that reason may be.!

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