The Life of Me, Smile Magee :)

Dear Dr, whoever you may be When I come into your office, how do you see me? Just a patient, a name on a screen, Another body to get in and out of your office, so you can do your thing? Would you be the one to look at me, nod your head at the right moments. scribble notes, as I tell you my story. But then with no answers of a diagnosis  coming  to your brain, would  you o so intelligently exclaim. "Nothing is  deadly wrong, that I can see, your broken pieces can't be fixed by me! Your happy, and sick, this I cannot explain. So I guess you must be insane! " Dear Dr, Whoever you may be, did you take the time to really notice me? I'm sick and I'm scared, trying to be as brave as I can be. At the age of 20 an unknown illness is attacking me. I smile because I'm trying to make the best out of what I've been given. But Dear Dr. I didn't come to you for fun, I came to you because I want to keep on living. Dear Dr., remember with every pa...

I saw a blog that was a girls letter to her future husband. I honestly i just couldn't relate to it. So I decided to get real tonight and write my own version of it. I hope you can relate. And I hope it reminds you that you deserve true love. Someone who holds on to his end of in sickness in health. Who will love you for better for worse and for eternity. Fight for your fairytale and smile on.  Dear future husband : I'm so excited for you. I pray for you often. But in all honesty I fear you. I fear you won't be able to handle " all this". That you will love the lanky outgoing girl with a bright smile. But you won't be able to handle this monster of an invisible illness that I've carried with me most of my life.. I fear that you will love me at my best. But not to be able to handle me at my worst, and believe me there are going to be a lot of medical worst.  Some of the easier times will be hours  spent in Hospitals and Drs offices. There will be ti...

It has taken me a LONG time to write this post.. I kept on attempting to cover it with sugar, instead of serve it to you strait. I'm going to be 1000% honest in this post, like I am in all my other ones.  I'm not going fill you full of all of this " my illness is the best gift in the world! I love it so much !" Crap cause if anyone says anything remotely close to that to you,  they are full of it. In all honesty I HATE my illness, I live in fear of it daily, it is my biggest struggle. But I have learned how to co exist with the monster Because neither of us are leaving anytime soon. The best way to explain my relationship with my illness is one of my favorite quotes by Haruki Murakami "And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what t...