How Gratitude Saved My Life

I’m one of those weirdos who LOVES public speaking.

Especially when it’s about gospel topics .

But I’m also someone who lives in a very crappy , very unpredictable body . 

So thanks to some relentless pneumonia,  a very low immune system,  and a night in the ER 

I wasn’t able to give the talk I so desperately wanted to give in church today 

( some amazing day I WILL be able to do as many speaking engagements as I want 🤣👌🏻 *knock on wood )

So today  Via proxy  my mom read a portion of my talk in sacrament .

( So if you are in the same ward as me , you have already heard this .  And my moms PHENOMENAL talk .)

So I thought I would share what I have written with you all 

Because the topic I was asked to speak on is one of my favorite subjects in the whole world. .

Something I feel like I could seriously write a book or do like a whole fireside talk on . 

And that subject is gratitude.

Because Gratitude,  has litterally saved my life . 

And your probably thinking 

“ How in the Heck has gratitude of all things saved your life ?! “

And I’ll start with this quote 

“ It’s not happy people who are grateful. It’s grateful people who are happy “

I’ll admit , for as long as I can remember my “default “ setting has been happy .

Because it was always easy for me to “find the good “ in the situation.

But I didn’t even understand an ounce of the truthfulness of this quote until I was 17 and experienced some of the most profound darkness I had ever experienced.

So backstory .

When I was 17, they found a pretty massive tumor on my liver ( that was gratefully Benign ) but it was growing at a rapid pace , and they believed it was causing some pretty intense symptoms .

So that led to what to this day is the most painful surgery I have had in my life .  

A liver resection where they removed a little more then half of the left lobe of my liver 

At the time I was a self centered 17 year old.  Who like most self centered 17 year olds believe that the world revolved around me.

But as I sat in the ICU 

I learned that wasn’t the case 

Even though my world had litterally stopped spinning.

In that bright shining window behind me .  Other Peoples worlds still turned .

There were people out there still getting married , having babies , going to school , hanging out with friends , going to the grocery store .

And here I was , after a night of intense pain , fevers ,  and drug induced hallucinations. in the ICU  in more pain than I had ever been in my life .

And I felt this overwhelming darkness consume me , and this seed of bitterness grow in my heart . 

Like “ How dare the world keep Turning , while my world has completely and utterly stopped . I litterally felt this near hatred for everyone with healthy bodies , and bright shining “normal “ lives that existed outside of my ICU window “ 

So after a few hours of marinating in my misery .

I decided to say a prayer , and ask Heavenly Father how I could get rid of this overwhelming darkness and anger . 

And the simplest answer came to me . 

“ Find the good “ 

So right then and there I decided that while I was in that hospital.

I was going to find one good thing

In every day .

And I did .

Somedays the good was 

“ That really nice nurse had really cute hair “ 

Or 

“ I used the toilet by myself today “

Or even 

“ Holy Crap today had SUCKED . But it is 11:59 which means today is almost over , and isn’t that great that such a awful  day is almost done “ 

But each and every physically grueling day in that hospital.

I found something good .

And as my health continued to decline throughout the years .

I’ve held on to that little “trick “ like like it was a life raft in the middle of a tsunami.

On my worst days . 

Its almost like a little game I play.

like " Alright ,  you have spent 80% of your day puking your guts out .  or trying not to cry  from physical pain .

Now find 3 things about today that where good . 

( Sounds  like mission impossible right lol) 

And ill admit, living in a body thats constantly trying to kill you ,  and always causing you pain.

Can on your worst days make you wonder why your fighting so dang hard to stay alive in the first place 

 

So When I’m in a dark space 

For as long as it takes to try to get myself out of that funk 

I’ll make myself write down 3 things im grateful for ( basically ) every day .

And these gratitudes are as simple as 

“ my limp isn’t as bad today’s “

“ I ate a really good cheeseburger , and didn’t puke it .  ( after 3 years of IV nutrition the ability to eat ( whenever I have it ) is ALWAYS a gratitude)

“ The sound of my dogs tail hitting the door when he is really excited to see me 

“ My dads laugh (. When my Dad thinks something is REALLY funny he has the greatest , purest , happiest laugh in existence. 

Nothing beats it . ) 

And it may sound excessive .

But it works .

Because I’ve learned 

That where there is good , litterally ANY ounce of good .

There is God .

And when you take the time to notice that good . 

You notice Gods hand in your life .

And notice that it is CONSTANTLY in your life .

I remember one day in particular.

It was the day after a bunch of medical appointments in Salt Lake ,

and every single doctor kept on having conflicting ideas .

I remember that night being in tears  saying my nightly prayers , telling Heavenly Father how I just felt so alone .

Begging him to just send me a sign that things would be ok.

The next afternoon when I went to go take the garbage out . 

I saw a single sunflower ( the first sunflower I had seen that year ) blooming across the street . 

It seems completely insignificant. But sunflowers have Always been my favorite, because well I’m obsessed with the color yellow ,

And sunflowers always bloom , no matter where they are planted .

And seeing that dang  sunflower 

This feeling of peace overfilled my heart.  And I knew that was my gratitude for the day . 

I knew that little bit of “good “ was my sign from God that things were going to be ok.

And the thing I’ve learned is that God gives us 100,000,001 reasons to be grateful each and every day .

And we go often go around complaining that blessings never come 

But like Henry B Eyring so Wisely stated 

“ We so easily forget that we came into life with nothing. Whatever we get soon seems our natural right, not a gift. And we forget the giver. Then our gaze shifts from what we have been given to what we dont have yet. . . .”

The ability to eat , digest , and give our body nutrients that’s a gift .

The ability to get out of bed , even if it hurts , that’s a gift 

The ability to spend the day with our loved ones .

That’s a gift 

The ability to age , and watch our loved ones do the same . 

The ability to love someone so much , that loosing them , or heck just even missing them when they are away physically hurts 

Is a gift ,

Even the good things we learn from the hardest things we will ever go through .

Those are gifts .

And I truly believe the secret to a happy life .

Is that realization,

That in life nothing is promised .

Everything good is a gift . 

Imagine if we viewed our gifts from God.

Like Digestion, the ability to provide , a loved ones Smile ,

A sunset 

with even an ounce of the same enthusiasm we have with Christmas or Birthday presents 

How much more joy would our lives have . ?