( this article was previously published on https://themighty.com)
The typical teen romance..
Goes about something like this.
“ A book smart brunette and her overly outgoing, and super charasmatic best friend prepair to have a senior year no one will forget. Between busy jobs , lacrosse / cheer/ volleyball ( or some other clique sport) practice, trying to get a great SAT score, Enough Voulnteer work to look good on a college application, getting into a good college, and just trying to survive. Life is thrown completely upsidedown when the “book smart brunette “ meets the perfect boy.”
These movies are typically, cheesy, hilarious, heartwarming, and downright adorable...
But if you are living with a chronic illness.. completely and utterly UNRELATABLE .
My senior year,
I was in the hospital every 3 days for dextrose IVs that we’re honestly my main form of nutrition.
I was dying from an Unknown Autoimmune condition doctors just couldn’t seem to figure out.
( which turned out to be autoimmune induced gastroparesis)
While people my age were contemplating highschool flings , senior trips, and colleague applications.
I was contemplating my own mortality, spending endless hours on google trying to find ANYTHING that could help my condition, writing in my journal plans for my funeral, And praying each and every day that I could just SURVIVE.
No one makes movies about that..
Untill recently.
When I read / watched the movie
“The fault in our stars”. I was the EXACT same age as Hazel Grace .. and I may not have had cancer
( yet lol) But I was dying..
And for the first time.. I saw portrayed.. someone MY AGE who worried about things I worried about. Who’s life was so much more than “ will the cute boy like me”. ( Which was a part of the story, but not the main conflict. ). It was “How will my family handle it when I die?”
“ How much longer can this crappy body of mine hold on.”
It showed hospitals, ER Trips, breaking down in tears from literally life or death situations that are WAY to much for anyone. Let alone kids in high-school to be handling ..
All things that were NORMAL in my far from Normal life.
For the first time I saw MYSELF in a character.
And days I felt alone in my illnesses. Like no one could understand what I was going through.
The story of “ the fault in our stars “ was my anchor..
I’d watch the movie, or read the book. And it would remind me that there were others thinking and feeling the Same way I was.
And I didn’t find a story that captured that same feeling, until
“ 5 feet apart”.
I do not have cystic fibrosis.. but Holy cow.. Between the book and the Movie it was the most RELATABLE media representation of chronic illness I have EVER seen.
It showed what it’s like to be born sick... the hospital stays, treatments, scans, and procedures that are necessary just to stay alive. .. and to have things that are so abnormal, become a normal part of your life.
And even the relationships you build with the staff at the hospital.
( Barb was one of my FAVORITE characters Because I literally have a “Barb” at MY hospital who I absolutely adore!)?
There is such diversity in how people handle there chronic illness..
and they showed the Anal people like Stella . Who do everything right, follow every plan, every treatment. Every everything to a T in an attempt to have what little control you can actually have when your living in a body that’s trying to kill you. ( being chronically ill can give you control issues.. because SOO much is out of your control)
The people like Will who when to comes to treatments test and procedures, and all the “work” that comes with being sick.. basically say “Screw it , I’m going to die anyway. “
And do the absolute bear minimum just to stay alive .
( I have admittedly been both of those people)
And the people like Poe, who do what they can, to Make the best of what they have been given, and fear what the future not only medically, but financially has in store for them.
When Poe stated “ What does someone get for loving me? They get to pay for my hospital bills.. watch me suffer.. and then watch me die.” He stated something I fear often.. Healthy people will NEVER understand that health issuance is a matter of life or death, and poor coverage and just the mountains of hospital bills that come from a chronic and or life threatening condition. , often means financial death for someone who is sick, and the ones they love.
The guilt of knowing YOUR disease could financially kill the one you love is one of my greatest fears.
I absolutely love that It showed that when your sick.. you have different priorities than people your age
For example.. When Stella’s friends were upset that she couldn’t go to Cabo, and packing for that senior trip was the center of there world .. Stella knew the Harsh reality that even though it sucked.. she could die if she didn’t do these treatments, and health .. matters of life and death. Always come first.
And honestly sometimes it’s hard to relate to people your age.. because the serious matters In your life are SOOOO serious.
We constantly have to make life or death decisions when our peers are stressing over finals, and dates.
They showed that hospitals aren’t. Just this “sad place” and that even though they are filled with hard situations. You can still find laughter, fun, love and beauty behind those sterile walls .
I loved that They showed that people who are sick .. aren’t these saints.. who do nothing wrong, and always have a positive attitude no matter what and are an inspiration to us all ( insert wiped tear and hand over heart here)
5 feet apart showed the truth.
That we sick people, get angry, laugh loudly, cry, scream. say the wrong thing, do stupid things.. and most are far from achieving sainthood.
But there is a beauty in our struggle because we have to work 10 times harder to do the things “healthy people “ take for granted.
And without a doubt that gives us an incredible perspective on life.. that most people will never have.
I think it perfectly showed that sick people aren’t these objects to pity.
But pillars of strength. Because we don’t let the impossible stop us
And I have to say.. a place in the movie that brought tears to my eyes. When they were by the pool.. and ( no spoilers.). But it showed their scars... not in a shocking or gruesome way...
but in a way that showed so much beauty and strength.
When I was 17 I had a nurse tell me I would never be a model because of the giant 6 inch scar I had on my stomach from liver surgery.. and it gave me such a complex.
I still sometimes struggle with feeling beautiful with my scars this day.
I WISH, 17 year old me, had something like that BEAUTIFUL moment to watch.
In a sea of “ healthy people “ love stories.. full of healthy people problems.. with maybe a sick character here or there, ( that ALWAYS die )
5 feet apart..: Like The Fault In Our Stars. was a rare story, I could completely and utterly relate to.
That showed people like me, being strong, raw, funny, vulnerable and brave.
And I can’t tell you how much it meant to see a struggle similar to mine on the big screen.
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